


an ode to you

by bloominsummer



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Minor Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2019-09-14
Packaged: 2020-11-01 22:30:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20528918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloominsummer/pseuds/bloominsummer
Summary: Soonyoung not-so-accidentally finds a playlist dedicated to him in Jihoon's iPod, and there's a love song in it—a Lee Jihoon original, at that. He's almost entirely sure that it's a mistake, because Jihoon doesn't see him that way.Does he?





	an ode to you

**Author's Note:**

> soonhoon for the win!
> 
> p.s. there's a sex scene toward the end of the fic, hinted beforehand so it's avoidable if you're not into that. <3

Soonyoung is buzzed. His head is spinning the whole 360 degrees. It’s better now for the most part, since Jihoon’s instructed him to sit down on the pavement and threw his black leather jacket across Soonyoung’s frame. He left five minutes ago to look for Seokmin, the other person he’s responsible for tonight, but not before he made sure that Soonyoung had a bottle of water in his hand.

The jacket smells like Jihoon, a fresh earthy scent mixed with his cologne and Soonyoung is engulfed in its warmth. He can’t fall asleep, though, because he’ll get an earful from Jihoon if he does. He reaches inside the jacket’s pocket to see if Jihoon has any candies he can munch on while waiting, but he only finds Jihoon’s iPod. Soonyoung with alcohol coursing through his veins is not the best kind of Soonyoung there is. He gets super touchy, a little too happy for most people’s liking, and to make matters worse, he gets _incredibly_ nosy.

Sometimes it ended up being a good thing, like the one time he kept pestering Minghao to tell him why he and Jun weren’t on speaking terms. Minghao held on for a good thirty minutes before he finally snapped and informed not just Soonyoung, but also the whole room that Jun had kissed him when he was tipsy and Minghao hated it, because he wanted Jun to kiss him sober. The information barely registered in Soonyoung’s brain before Jun was crossing the room, eyes clear and red cup untouched, reaching out for Minghao and pulling the younger into a passionate kiss that had everyone else looking away from them. Except for Jeonghan, if Soonyoung remembered correctly, who was busy wolf-whistling at the pair as Seungcheol tried to cover his mouth with a hand.

More often than not, though, he’d just end up annoying his friends with his persistence. So even when Soonyoung knows he shouldn’t be doing what he’s about to do, he presses the home button of the device and proceeds to snoop through Jihoon’s playlists.

Bruno Mars, IOI, Anime soundtracks, KSY—wait. Who’s KSY? Those are his initials, he knows for sure, but he doesn’t know any other artists Jihoon likes with the same abbreviation of their names.

Soonyoung brings the iPod closer to his eyes and squints. He glances around, checking if Jihoon manages to find Seokmin yet. There’s still no sign of him, and a drunk Soonyoung is a reckless Soonyoung, so he jumps headfirst into the possibility of death by Jihoon’s hand around his neck and taps on the screen.

**Bring It** 3:31

**Change Up ** 3:08

**Hug ** 2:39

He plays the first song. The acoustics that plays at the beginning lull him into a false sense of comfort before the beat drops. If he weren’t intoxicated, he would have spontaneously busted into moves. Soonyoung lets the song play for a good thirty second before he realises it’s not something he’s heard before. Oh. It’s an unreleased song. One of Jihoon’s creation, no doubt, he’s singing in it. Wait. Jihoon is _rapping_ in this. That’s… pretty hot?

For context, a drunk Soonyoung is also a horny Soonyoung.

A minute and thirty seconds pass before he moves on to the next song, curiosity getting the better of him. _Change Up_ has a more relaxed atmosphere to it, a chill, fun vibe, but still good for dancing. Jihoon’s voice drops lower than he ever imagines it could during one of the rapping verses and Soonyoung has to pinch himself on the leg to make sure he’s not dreaming this.

Okay, so it seems like Jihoon’s made songs that Soonyoung can use for his showcase and it’s incredibly touching. Jihoon’s hardly the type of person to show his affections explicitly and in an unrestrained way, but the little things he does behind the screen are of much greater magnitude when you get to see them. Such as, composing songs for his best friend.

He’s not expecting anything when he plays the third song, mostly because Jihoon’s talent is rather dynamic and he has a wide range when it comes to music, but as Jihoon’s voice wafts through the air, Soonyoung forgets how to breathe.

Oh, fuck.

_Whenever it’s hard for you, you can get a hug from me_.

Well. That does _not _sound like the Jihoon he knows. Although, come to think of it, whenever Soonyoung feels down because of his parents, or his studies, or his life in general, Jihoon often initiates physical contact between the two of them. Just the gentlest touch of his fingers over Soonyoung’s wrist is enough to ground him down and reel him back from his ugly thoughts.

You know, just best friend things.

The longer the song proceeds, the surer he becomes that this is a love song, probably put under the wrong playlist. Yes, that must be it. He can’t exactly pop and lock to this… though it’d be a funny attempt.

By the time Jihoon sings _I love you_, Soonyoung hastily presses the lock button and shoves the iPod back inside the jacket. Though unquestionably drunk, he knows that there are some lines he shouldn’t cross. Listening to a love letter Jihoon wrote for someone special before that someone even has the chance to is nowhere near acceptable.

If Soonyoung had been thinking clearly, he might have noticed that the constriction in his chest comes not from fear of Jihoon finding out what he had done, but from the possibility that Jihoon has that person he holds dear and it might not be him. But Soonyoung’s had three bottles of beers and too many shots too count—courtesy to Seungkwan who kept cheering him on—so he misses it. Misses the possible life-altering realisation that he’s in love with Jihoon.

Even when Jihoon finally comes back with Seokmin in tow, giggling down into the older man’s shoulder, and the sight makes Soonyoung’s heart skips a beat, it still doesn’t hit him.

The iPod feels like it’s burning a hole through the fabric, the side of Soonyoung’s body hot where it’s located against, but he doesn’t want to take it off. Ever, if possible.

🐯

“Sooooo,” Jihoon drawls out, claiming the empty spot to Soonyoung’s right. “What’s up?”

“Definitely not my spirit,” Soonyoung says sulkily.

Jihoon laughs at that and it brings Soonyoung’s mood up with it, though not by much. He’s stressed, he’s tired, he’s overworked and sleep-deprived and is most likely suffering from caffeine poisoning. It’s all because the date of the summer showcase he’s managed to score a spot in is closing in and he’s nowhere near satisfied with the routine he’s come up for it.

“I can tell.”

Instead of replying to him, Soonyoung looks up at the blue sky above them. Today is a bright, cloudy day, and any other time he would have liked it this way, spending the afternoon sitting at the park and enjoying the mild breeze caresses his face. He would have liked Jihoon inevitably finding him out of all the other places he could be on campus, then taking his rightful place next to him and making light conversations about random things. He would have _really_ liked it, actually, except for the fact that he tends to make his best creative decisions when it’s raining.

That’s how they first met, actually. Soonyoung had forgotten his house keys, as he often did when he was in high school, and by his luck, it started raining. He thought, fuck it, he was going to make the most out of the horrible situation. And that’s exactly what he did. He went to the nearby playground and started practicing for his dance crew’s upcoming competition. No music, just smooth waves of motions running through his body. Just as he was getting into the groove, Jihoon passed by and yelled at him for standing so close to a tree during a downpour.

He also told Soonyoung to dance inside like a normal person would, at which point Soonyoung shouted back at him across the road to communicate his situation.

Jihoon, it turned out, was kind enough not to let Soonyoung die of either electrocution or pneumonia and brought him back home. He gave Soonyoung a towel, a change of clothes which were too small on him, a warm cup of tea, blankets, and a lecture on how reckless he was being, in that precise order. In return for his kindness, Soonyoung invited him to his competition. It wasn’t an empty gesture on his part, but there was barely any interest from Jihoon’s end that he never thought the younger boy would ever show up at the time and place he mentioned.

And yet, Jihoon did.

He showed up to all the other ones after that, too, and Soonyoung’s taken by surprise every single time.

Soonyoung sighs at the reminiscence of the good old times. “I really wish it was raining.”

Turning toward him, Jihoon quirks up an eyebrow. “Is that what this is about? The weather?”

Jihoon knows about this weird fact, of course, it’s one of the things he just naturally learned about Soonyoung somewhere along the way. Whenever the sky cries, Soonyoung would stand underneath the harsh torrent of rain and creates his own rhythm in his head. Jihoon’s often close by, the cup of warm tea now upgraded to a whole thermos. The towel remains, so does the fresh clothes and the blankets, but instead of talking Soonyoung’s ear off about the possibility of getting struck by a lightning, Jihoon now just dries his hair wordlessly.

“Yeah,” he admits.

Knowing that Jihoon has always had a low tolerance for bullshit, Soonyoung expects to get a tough love demonstration from him—a motivational speech, maybe, since Jihoon is good with his words. He panics when Jihoon promptly stands up from his seat, because if he’s pushed it too far this time and Jihoon’s actually done indulging him and his mood swings, there isn’t much hope left for Soonyoung in this world.

He looks up at Jihoon and opens his mouth, to tell him, _no_, to _beg_ him not to go, but instead of walking away Jihoon is extending a hand toward him.

Without any hesitation, Soonyoung takes it, his heart lighter than it was moments ago.

He doesn’t ask where they’re going, he doesn’t need to, because anywhere with Jihoon is safe haven for him.

Jihoon takes them to Mingyu’s frat house, which confuses Soonyoung at first. He saw Jihoon texting while they were walking, but he didn’t think he was texting _Mingyu_. Before Soonyoung can ask what they’re doing here, Mingyu opens the door for them, all puppy-eyes and wide smiles. He carefully navigates around Jihoon to give Soonyoung a crushing hug. Okay, so Stop 1 in Jihoon’s healing journey: energy recharge from a certain Kim Mingyu. Soonyoung’s already liking where this is going.

Except it becomes apparent to him when Mingyu ushers them in, that this isn’t a stop, rather a destination. Mingyu hands Jihoon a Bluetooth speaker set and gives the two of them a wink before disappearing down the hallway. Soonyoung instantly recognises the speaker as Wonwoo’s, which makes him smile, because it means that Wonwoo is finally comfortable enough around Mingyu to start leaving his things with the younger. Maybe one of these days they’ll get their respective heads out of their asses and acknowledge their true feelings for one another. That’d be a good day, even if it doesn’t rain.

Soonyoung lets Jihoon take him to the backyard without saying anything. Jihoon leads him to stand in the middle of the open space, reaches around to take Soonyoung’s phone from his back pocket and walks back to the direction of the house, stopping short a few meters before turning to the left.

Then, he crouches down and turns on the _sprinklers._

For the first thirty seconds, all Soonyoung can do is stand there with his mouth parted, in awe and hopelessly fond of Jihoon, of what he’s doing, of the fact that he’s putting in this much effort just to cheer him up.

Perhaps it’s the fact that Jihoon straightens back up again and immediately breaks into a smile at Soonyoung’s dazed expression.

Perhaps it’s that the smile grows wider as he moves closer to Soonyoung, carefully staying out of the sprinklers’ way.

Perhaps it’s the entire universe forming in his bright eyes when he tells Soonyoung, “Y’know, I believe in you regardless of the weather. It’s alright if you still believe in the rain, I'll just bring the rain to you until you believe in yourself.”

Perhaps it’s the combination of all three things that snaps Soonyoung into his epiphany: he’s in love with this boy.

“What song do you want to warm up to?” he asks Soonyoung lightly, blissfully unaware of the realisation Soonyoung just had.

“Bring It,” Soonyoung’s mouth lets loose before he can stop himself.

“Bring—” Jihoon begins, then abruptly stops. The smile leaves his features along with the last ounce of affection for Soonyoung. “What?”

Soonyoung’s heart drops to his stomach when he sees Jihoon’s jaw tighten, the constricting muscle there catching his attention. He’s fucked up. Great.

“Ji, I…” he tries.

And fails.

“How long… how long have you known?”

The sprinklers change their angle and now the water is spraying right at his face. It’s a shame that Jihoon is still completely dry, because this way Soonyoung can see the tears pooling in his eyes and fuck, that shit hurts a whole lot. He’s done the last thing he ever wants to do—all because he doesn’t have any self-restraint. Not trusting himself to give an answer, Soonyoung just looks at Jihoon and apologises with his eyes, hoping the message is conveyed across.

“How long?” Jihoon asks again, and his voice cracks at the end.

The pain he feels shooting through his chest pushes him to find his words once again. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have snooped. I know your songs are important to you and I should have waited until you’re ready to share them with me,” he offers as sincerely as he can. “I’m sorry. I love them. Both of them. Are they for me?”

“Both?”

“Yeah. Sorry,” he cringes, knowing how this is getting even worse by the second. “I listened to Change Up, too.”

Jihoon’s eyes pierce his and Soonyoung feels himself shrivel under the intensity of his gaze. “And Hug?”

He lets out a long exhale, scratching the back of his neck in discomfort. Jihoon is going to be pissed at him, rightly so, and he’d have to go on at least one week without having any meaningful interaction with his best friend. Oh, yeah, also, the person he’s in love with apparently wrote a love song meant for someone else. Top that on all of the shit he’s already got going on, the future is not looking particularly happy for him.

“Um. Yeah,” he pauses, then, “Whoever you made that for, they’re really lucky.”

Soonyoung tries to come off as unbothered as possible, but judging from the look Jihoon gives him, he must have failed in his attempt. Jihoon takes a couple of steps back, putting some distance between the two of them.

Soonyoung’s done this a lot, standing completely soaked from head to toe in his wet socks. He’s done it when it’s actually raining and the temperature’s much lower than today, but he’s never felt this _cold_.

He lowers his gaze to the ground, not wanting to see Jihoon’s expression morph into one of anger.

“You— are you being serious right now?”

“What?” Soonyoung asks lowly, confused.

He continues studying the pattern of his socks: a brown monkey holding a yellow banana on a dark blue background. It was a gift from Seokmin on his birthday. He tries to think of his other friends to avoid analysing why Jihoon had sounded hurt just now.

“Look at me,” Jihoon demands, so Soonyoung really has no other option but to comply. “Really, Soonyoung, look at me. Do you really not know?”

He searches Jihoon’s face for an answer. There’s exasperation there, a hint of tamed anger behind his dark orbs. If Soonyoung keeps on looking, he might find disappointment too, but there isn’t a definite answer to Jihoon’s question.

“What? Ji, I don’t understand.”

“Okay,” Jihoon nods curtly, mostly talking to himself. “At this point, if you don’t understand, it’s because you don’t want to.” The statement only baffles Soonyoung even more and as he takes his time to process, suddenly Jihoon throws a quiet, “I’m going,” and rushes back into the house.

Soonyoung’s reaction time is about a second late, but when he manages to breathe out a rushed, “Wait! Ji!” Jihoon’s already gone.

🐯

“You’re soaking wet,” Wonwoo points out when Soonyoung drips all over their floor, uncaring. His roommate isn’t pissed, he rarely externalises any negative emotions in the first place, so Soonyoung understands that he’s just commenting on the obvious.

Soonyoung shrugs. What can he tell Wonwoo? That Jihoon wasn’t there to dry him up because Soonyoung was an asshole who invaded his privacy?

“I took a shower in your boyfriend’s backyard,” he answers Wonwoo.

A light flush settles across Wonwoo’s cheekbones, enough to cue Soonyoung that he knows exactly who he was referring to. He bends down to take his shoes off, tugging at them half-heartedly. Wonwoo watches him from where he’s sitting on the couch, Soonyoung can practically hear the gears turning in his head as he considers the best method to console him.

“You should take a proper shower. I’ll make some ramyeon?” offers Wonwoo kindly.

Truth be told, he wants to curl up into a ball and suffer through this quietly, but he is a bit hungry and Wonwoo makes better ramyeon now that Mingyu’s taught him the tricks. He can eat. It’s inevitable that he’ll spend the rest of the night moping over the whole thing… this way at least he’ll be full.

“Do we have kimchi?”

Wonwoo nods. “Yeah.”

“Can I have the Shin ramyeon?” Soonyoung knows there’s only one pack left and it’s a week until either of them will get paid from their part-time jobs, so if Wonwoo lets him have the last good instant ramyeon currently in their pantry, he must look downright awful.

Wonwoo might as well break his heart all over again when he nods without putting up a fight. “Go shower,” he instructs Soonyoung, jerking his head to the direction of the bathroom.

The dancer complies. He makes a mental note to have a proper conversation with Mingyu about never letting Wonwoo slip through his fingers. The least he can do in return for the kindness Wonwoo’s shown him is to help secure Wonwoo’s happiness. If it’s in the form of a human beanpole, then so be it. He’s not going to judge.

When he emerges from the bathroom after his contemplative hot shower, Wonwoo is setting up their matching bowls on the coffee table and Soonyoung’s favourite anime is on pause on the TV. He pads over to the couch and sinks into the padding while Wonwoo busies himself with bringing utensils from the kitchen to the living room area. He’ll apologise later for not being any help, Wonwoo’s such a decent person he’ll most likely accept it without a thought.

Wonwoo hands him his bowl carefully, the steam from the soup tickling Soonyoung’s face. “I got into an argument with Jihoon,” he finds himself saying.

“Hmm,” is Wonwoo’s only reply as he reaches for the remote. Soonyoung knows it’s his way of letting him decide what’s next, if he wants to give more elaboration on that or not.

He does.

“Found his works-in-progress when I was drunk. Listened to them… so he got mad. Oh, and I realised I’m in love with him in the middle of it, there’s that.”

Wonwoo’s hand stills over his cup of green tea at the last bit, and he turns to face Soonyoung with a bewildered expression on his face. “Are you serious?”

After Soonyoung gives him a nod, Wonwoo’s eyes crinkle in unfounded happiness. There’s nothing to be excited about, Soonyoung wants to tell him, Jihoon wrote an ode to someone else and he’ll have to learn how to deal with it eventually. He opens his mouth to say exactly that, but Wonwoo beats him to it.

“That’s good, isn’t it?” Wonwoo quips in a light breath, “Jihoon loves you, too.”

His pulse instantly picks up its pace.

“What are you talking about?” Soonyoung sets his bowl back on the coffee table and Wonwoo glances at it curiously, probably thinking why Soonyoung’s not touching the good ramyeon after he agreed to let him have it.

“Yeah.” His eyes return to find Soonyoung’s. “I figured you didn’t know.”

“If you’re messing with me, this really isn’t funny at all.”

Wonwoo looks surprised. “Soonyoung, I’m not,” he says firmly. “Don’t you see that Jihoon loves you _because _of all the weird things and not _despite _them?”

“What weird things? Okay, I stand under the rain voluntarily and dance from time to time. What about it?”

“That’s not the only thing though.”

Soonyoung juts his chin out, challenging Wonwoo to continue.

“Those dance sketches that look like demon-summoning symbols? I genuinely thought no one could understand them but you, until that day you almost broke down because you yourself forgot what you had scribbled. All it took Jihoon was _one _look and he knew exactly what you meant. That—that doesn’t just happen, Soonyoung.”

His breath gets caught somewhere in his chest.

“You order milk and Americano separately, then drink them together. It drives me fucking insane. Order a latte or something, man, what’s so hard about that?”

Indignant, Soonyoung hotly exclaims, “They taste different!”

Wonwoo merely rolls his eyes at him before following with, “Those tiger sounds you make when you’re priming yourself up for a performance? I could have lived with them if you weren’t doing it at 3 AM.”

“I love tigers. They’re fucking awesome.”

“Yeah, I think anyone’s talked to you for more than three minutes knows that.” Soonyoung pouts at Wonwoo’s surprisingly unsupportive reply. “At first, I kept trying to rationalise why you do certain things the way you do them, so I went to Jihoon for his insights. You know what he said to me?”

Soonyoung shakes his head. He’s almost too afraid to ask.

“_Does it matter? As long as he’s happy,_” Wonwoo mimics Jihoon’s way of speaking. “That’s how I knew. I was hoping you’d catch on sooner than later. Kinda snuffed out my hope every time a girl talked to you and Jihoon couldn’t stand to be in the same room anymore, but you just never seemed to get it.”

That can’t be true. Sure, Jihoon always excuses himself so that he won’t stand in the way or make things awkward for him. Not because he’s somehow in love with Soonyoung and Soonyoung was just never in on the secret. And what about the song? _Hug_. What about that?

He informs Wonwoo about _Hug_, how he had stumbled upon it because it was misplaced in the playlist under his name. As he repeats the lyrics that are branded into his memory to Wonwoo, his roommate gives him an incredulous look.

“What?” asks Soonyoung when annoyance begins to seep into Wonwoo’s sharp eyes.

“Sometimes I don’t get how your brain works,” he sighs. “Has it occurred to you that maybe the song wasn’t misplaced? That it was meant for you in the first place, though maybe not meant for you to find it? Not in that way, at least.”

“No, of course not,” Soonyoung huffs out a tired laugh, “because that would mean…”

_At this point, if you don’t understand, it’s because you don’t want to. _That’s what Jihoon had said to him before.

Oh. Jihoon’s in love with him?

“Jihoon’s in love with you?” Wonwoo vocalises his thought for him. “That’s what I’ve been saying.”

An unfamiliar giddy feeling arises within him at the very much real possibility of it, forcing his mouth to involuntarily curve upward. Wonwoo matches his energy, offering him a big grin when he sees Soonyoung’s smile returning to his features.

Soonyoung stands up from the couch. “I should probably go talk to him, right?”

“Yeah, but better wait until tomorrow.”

He frowns. “Why?”

“Because I made you the last good ramen and you barely touched it,” Wonwoo deadpans.

The frown grows deeper, and Soonyoung is _this_ close to pulling out his pouty hamster expression that he knows Wonwoo can’t refuse when his friend gives him the real reason. “It’s Wednesday and he’s working the night shift at the library, remember?”

Ah. Wonwoo’s right. In his excitement, Soonyoung forgets about that particular fact. His mind is now chanting Jihoon’s name in a loop, over and over again so until it will fill every nook and cranny of his being. Soonyoung wants it there, etched into his soul where it belongs, because he loves Jihoon. And by some miracle he sure he only deserves because he’d save an entire nation in his previous life, Jihoon might just love him back.

So he sits back down and starts eating his ramyeon, channeling his restless energy to gobbling down the meal Wonwoo’s so kindly cooked for him. The black-haired man gives him a fond chuckle.

“You know, I thought you were straight.”

He almost snorts into his bowl. He was 17 when Jihoon fell asleep on his shoulder and there was half a thought in his head: _I wouldn’t mind kissing him_. Soonyoung hasn’t been straight for a long time.

“What? I’ve been with guys.”

Unlike Wonwoo who often subjects him to a minimally dressed Mingyu—at the very least, twice a week now—and even a butt-naked Mingyu that one time, Soonyoung is careful about bringing his dates back to their place. Either he does it when Wonwoo’s is out of town or he goes to their place instead. It doesn’t mean he’s never had his share of sexual encounters.

“Really? I literally never seen any.”

Soonyoung mulls it over. “There was Daniel, that one time.”

“_Kang_ Daniel?” Wonwoo’s eyes lit up in recognition. “The one who used to be neighbours with Jihoon when he was little?”

“Yeah,” he nods, reaching for his drink. “They have the same accent, actually.”

Then there’s a pregnant silence, only the faint sound of the TV as background noise to fill it. What, it’s not like Soonyoung said anything wrong. They _do_ have the same accent. It was one of the few things that he’d first notice about the guy— that the intonation he uses when he calls Soonyoung by his name is the exact same way as Jihoon’s. Almost eerily so.

“Who else?” Wonwoo presses, curiosity barely contained.

“Slept with Yoongi-hyung. We met at one of those dance battles, he was there to support Hoseok-hyung and we just hit it off, I guess.”

That was a good night. It’s close to a year since then, but now, even though he’s happily in a relationship with Jimin, Yoongi still blushes around Soonyoung whenever he comes to pick Hoseok up from the studio. Hoseok, of course, ever the loyal best friend, never forgets to tease Yoongi for the way he limped around campus for an entire week after the short time Soonyoung spent in his bed.

Wonwoo squints his eyes at him. “Min Yoongi,” he repeats blankly, “who can pass as Jihoon’s brother?”

Oh… Soonyoung figures out where he’s going with this particular line of questioning and he does not like the implication of it one bit. It would mean that he had been a big, dumb fool all this time. A fool who tried to fill in the gaps in his heart with substitutes instead of the real thing when he could have had him.

“Who else?”

“Um… the last one’s Changkyun.”

Visibly deflating from either defeat or relief, Wonwoo leans back into the couch. “Okay, I don’t see any correlation between him and Jihoon, so I guess you weren’t in denial or something.”

“Actually,” Soonyoung clears his throat. “I’m pretty sure they wear the same perfume.”

He’s owning up to it. Thinking back, Changkyun did ask him why he was sniffing him so much and whether it was a kink. Soonyoung had just quickly said yes so that they could proceed with all the making-out they had been doing, but it isn’t until now that he’s realised why.

“Wow,” Wonwoo comments.

Soonyoung agrees.

🐯

Jihoon ignores his texts the next day and doesn’t pick up any of his calls, leaving Soonyoung no choice but to come over to his place after he’s done with his classes. He knows Jihoon should be home, unless he’s putting extra effort to avoiding him that he’ll be evacuating to Jun’s place or Jeonghan’s, maybe. Yet he barely knocks twice before the door swings open, revealing the man he’s looking for wearing a soft shirt and shorts, hair wet as he’s freshly out of the shower, a towel hanging around his neck.

Jihoon stares at him, unblinking.

“Want me to dry your hair?” Soonyoung asks and immediately regrets it. He has one chance not to fuck this up and he’s already barrelling down the path of fucking things up just with his first sentence.

Somehow the hard edge around Jihoon’s eyes softens and he steps aside to let him in, so maybe he’s not doing as bad as he thinks. The shorter man pads softly to the couch and plops down, not sparing Soonyoung another glance. _So cute_. The shirt he’s wearing is at least three sizes too big on him, making him look more compact than he already is.

Soonyoung moves to stand behind him so that he can go to work. He carefully removes the towel from Jihoon’s body and positions it on his hands, then starts applying the slightest bit of pressure when he rubs it against Jihoon’s scalp. Jihoon doesn’t say anything, the only sound Soonyoung can hear is his soft, controlled breathing.

After a moment, Soonyoung breaks the silence. “I’m sorry, Jihoon.”

“It’s okay,” comes the quiet reply.

“No, it’s not.” Soonyoung pauses his ministrations. “I should have waited until you’re ready to show them to me.”

A pause, then Jihoon takes a deep breath and makes the leap over the chasm. “It’s okay,” he says again with a little more conviction. “They were made for you, anyway. You’re meant to hear them. All three of them.”

_All three of them_.

He doesn’t elaborate further, nor does he turn around to look at Soonyoung, but it’s impossible for Soonyoung, whose eyes are now and forever locked onto Jihoon, to miss the way his shoulders are drawn in. Soonyoung steps around the couch to kneel between Jihoon’s legs. When he finally does, Jihoon’s eyes are glistening, his hair is still wet, the red colour striking in comparison to his pale skin, and Soonyoung thinks he’s so damn beautiful like this.

“You made _Hug_ for me?”

Jihoon nods wordlessly, like if he opens his mouth to answer Soonyoung he’ll really lose it all. Soonyoung reaches out to caress his cheek and watches Jihoon’s eyes flutter close as he leans into the touch. “Thank you,” Soonyoung whispers.

_For the songs. For indulging my silly habits because you know they’re important to me, even though you might not understand them. For believing in me until I learn to believe in myself. For loving me, so kindly, without demands, without any terms and conditions attached. Thank you._

“Thank you.” He brushes his thumb across the prominent cheekbone. “I love you, Jihoonie, thank you.”

“Yeah,” Jihoon lets out a sigh without opening his eyes and Soonyoung realises he doesn’t get it the way Soonyoung intends it because he’s unable to see the expression Soonyoung is wearing. “I l—”

Soonyoung swiftly cuts him off. He doesn’t want to hear Jihoon say it for the first time in any other context. “I’m in love with you.” It comes out slightly rushed since he’s racing Jihoon to his reciprocation, but it doesn’t matter when Jihoon’s big brown peers into his with wonderment in them.

“You… really?”

He nods happily, offering Jihoon a smile.

“Really?” Jihoon asks again, but he’s smiling too.

“Mm-hm.”

Jihoon angles his face to kiss the palm of Soonyoung’s hand that’s still on his face, then presses his cheek onto it. At this rate, Soonyoung’s cheeks are going to ache tomorrow from the excessive smiling he’s doing.

“I thought you were…”

“Straight?”

He gets a sheepish nod in response to his question.

“Wonwoo thought so too,” Soonyoung supplies, hand traveling down Jihoon’s face to his forearm before he links their fingers together. He plays with Jihoon’s shorter ones absentmindedly, reminiscent of the first time he saw them work their magic on piano keys. “You weren’t the only one. He… pointed out that he’s never seen any of them.”

“Has there… been any?”

Soonyoung wants to laugh and die at the same time with the uncertainty Jihoon displays in presenting his inquiry. He knows him well by now and he understands perfectly that Jihoon is trying to tread lightly with the topic, in case Soonyoung’s not settled in his skin yet, not comfortable with the whole situation. For all Jihoon knows, he might be Soonyoung’s sexual awakening. Which. He is, technically. He’s _all_ of Soonyoung’s awakening, for that matter.

“Yes,” he tells him.

“Oh, okay.”

Jihoon nods to himself like he’s processing the whole thing, though Soonyoung notes that the tone he uses wasn’t one of disappointment.

“After a talk with Wonwoo, we came to the conclusion that the reason I've been careful about bringing any of them into our circle was that because I’ve been subconsciously dating derivations of you.”

In his confusion, Jihoon scrunches his eyebrows and by extension, his nose, and Soonyoung would have melted inside from how adorable he looks if he isn’t scared half to death of his reaction. Only when Jihoon’s gaze flicks up to his and he sees him biting his lips to hold back a laugh does Soonyoung breathe a little easier.

“You’re so silly,” the redhead points out. “But I love you.”

Soonyoung’s heart starts to hammer inside his ribs, prompting him to plant his forehead on Jihoon’s left knee as he tries to get it to settle down.

“Not fair. You’re not allowed to say that without giving me any warning ever again.”

“Hmm,” Jihoon pretends to think of it. “No. I like surprising you.”

Letting go of Jihoon’s hand, he spreads his palms over Jihoon’s knees to rest his weight on them as he pushes himself up, closer, _closer_ into the younger’s personal space. Jihoon’s eyes are shining, no longer with tears but with adoration. Adoration that is meant for Soonyoung, who’s now just a breath away from Jihoon’s lips.

“Ji, can I—can I kiss you? I mean. You can say no—I just. Want to.”

He knows how embarrassing it is that he’s stumbling all over the place with his words, nervous breaths and quickened heartbeat invoked by Jihoon’s presence in front of him, but he doesn’t care. Not right now. Not when Jihoon is looking at him in a way that makes him feel like coming home.

The answer to his question comes in the soft curling of Jihoon’s hand beneath his chin, lifting Soonyoung’s face to meet his. Soonyoung doesn’t close his eyes until the very last second before their lips touch, afraid that if he does, he’ll wake up from this too good of a dream. He gets to watch Jihoon’s inquisitive brown disappear behind closed lids, eyelashes touching the skin under his eyes. They’re so close, Soonyoung can smell the moisturiser he puts on his face after showering.

And he’s an _actions are louder than words_ kind of person, but when Jihoon slots his mouth against his and sighs contentedly into the contact, Soonyoung thinks he can write about a hundred thousand verses about how kissing Jihoon makes him feel. He slides a hand to Jihoon’s nape and twirls the damp strands there with his fingers. Soonyoung smiles, smiles, _smiles _into the kiss as he holds Jihoon gently until the younger can’t take it anymore and joins him, awkwardly kissing Soonyoung’s front teeth when the elder’s smile turns into a full-blown grin.

“Stop it,” Jihoon reprimands, playful.

“Don’t know how to,” Soonyoung admits. “I’m so happy.”

Apparently, that’s the right thing to say, because a subtle emotion passes over Jihoon’s features and he’s leaning in again, with more intent this time. He presses into Soonyoung with greater force, hands fisted at the back of his shirt, pulling Soonyoung up and closer to him like he’s trying to merge their bodies into one. Soonyoung lets him, tries not to smile as much with his face as he feels his heart is doing. When Jihoon swipes his tongue across Soonyoung’s mouth, asking for permission to enter, he’s so close to passing out from overheating. Yet he decides to open up and allow Jihoon to lick every part of his mouth with his tongue.

Jihoon pulls away after a moment. His breathing isn’t anywhere near as rough as Soonyoung’s, but his chest is rising up and down heavily. Impulsively, Soonyoung smooths a hand over the plane of Jihoon’s chest, right where his heart is supposed to be. The effect is immediate—Jihoon blushes, the colour of his face matching his hair, and Soonyoung doesn’t fully understand why the extreme reaction until he feels the erratic heartbeat underneath his palm. He flicks his gaze up from Jihoon’s chest to meet his eyes.

Soonyoung expects the redhead to look away or removes his hand from where it’s resting, but Jihoon does neither of those and just looks at Soonyoung expectantly. Daringly. Almost… inviting?

“What do you want, Jihoonie?”

An exasperated huff fills the air. “Seriously? What do you think?”

_That’s my boy_, his brain pipes in.

In front of Jihoon, though, Soonyoung just shrugs. “Don’t know, really. I’m not a mind reader.”

Jihoon rolls his eyes and stands up from the couch, but this time Soonyoung knows he’s not going to leave without him. “Come,” the younger says softly as his hand curls around Soonyoung’s wrist, right before he strips away all the bit of shyness he has in him, “and I’ll give you the best handjob of your life.”

Soonyoung chokes on air. “Wh—”

“Come,” Jihoon says again, more insistent and less patient.

As if operating on autopilot, Soonyoung’s body complies before his mind can complain and Jihoon leads the two of them to his bedroom. Soonyoung’s been here plenty before, slept in Jihoon’s bed some nights when he’s sexiled, or when he’s so drunk that Jihoon didn’t trust he wouldn’t kill himself if he left Soonyoung at his place. Jihoon lives alone, which is convenient when he needs somewhere to crash on, but now the fact is presented to him in a different light.

Jihoon lives _alone_. No roommates to walk in on them, no consideration necessary for their volumes, no—

A pair of lips crash on his and a second later, the whole world tilts on its axis as Jihoon pushes him backward onto the bed. Soonyoung’s hands find purchase on Jihoon’s slim waist as they kiss, kiss, kiss. He can feel how hot Jihoon is running even through the fabric of his shirt. Lee Jihoon should come with a big warning sign on his package: heats up when horny, might be prone to explosions. Not that Soonyoung wouldn’t have ignored it wholeheartedly anyway. When it comes to Jihoon, he doesn’t mind standing in right in the direction of the shock wave.

He finally snaps out of his trance when Jihoon works to undo the drawstring of his sweatpants, fingers tentatively traveling south. Soonyoung uses the leverage he has on Jihoon’s waist and slips a leg between Jihoon’s own to ease him into the next thing he does: flip their position over.

“What’re you doing?” asks Jihoon. He’s resolved to talking in full pout mode, looking up at Soonyoung in faux annoyance.

Soonyoung bends down to mouth at his now kiss-swollen lips, blows air all over to soothe the swelling. “Loving you. Let me.”

He doesn’t know whether it’s the fact that he slips his fingers underneath Jihoon’s shirt or his words that rendered the singer speechless, but he’ll take the compliance as a gift. He noses at Jihoon’s jaw before sucking his impression at the base of his neck. In response, Jihoon lets out a gasp that sends the blood straight down Soonyoung’s own cock, so he rewards him by finding a comfortable grip around Jihoon’s dick and giving him one long stroke, Jihoon arching involuntarily into his fist.

Beautiful.

All parted lips, a hint of tongue sneaking out from the corner of his mouth. Fingers threaded in Soonyoung’s locks, a blossoming mark right above his clavicle.

An entire nation. He must have saved an entire nation. There’s no other explanation than that. No one would be so lucky as to have this—have the chance to see Jihoon look like _this_—without having done a great deed in their former life.

Jihoon is hiding his face in the pillow when Soonyoung finally tugs the shorts down to his mid-thighs. He kisses Jihoon’s hipbones, then the muscles on his thighs. God, someday he’s going to ask Jihoon to suffocate him with those legs, but for now, he’s got to focus on Jihoon’s dick. It’s strained with building tension and Soonyoung can safely say that the pretty curvature of it matches everything else that is Jihoon. Without much thought, he laps up the dribble of precum on the side of the shaft with his tongue before he presses his wet mouth over the head.

For that, Soonyoung gets Jihoon laying out an entire dictionary of curse words on him.

“You kiss your mom with that mouth?” Soonyoung jokes in an attempt to shake off his own nerves.

“I’m not going to kiss you ever again with this mouth if you don’t carry on.”

Soonyoung yelps in offense, but Jihoon just pushes hair away from his forehead and shoots him a sweet smile. One winning smile and Soonyoung knows he’s lost. He takes Jihoon in his mouth and slowly eases both of them to the sensation. Jihoon’s probably shorter than him in this department, though not by far, though he’s definitely thicker than anyone Soonyoung’s ever had before. Soonyoung keeps his teeth away and tries to recall everything he knows about gag reflex.

“You’re thinking really loudly,” Jihoon comments from above him after a minute or so. He props himself up on his elbows to look at Soonyoung, and since it’s ridiculous to talk with someone who has a dick in their mouth, Soonyoung pulls away with a pop. “It’s okay if you’re not cool with it. We can do something else. Or stop. Whichever.”

The fingers Jihoon has in his hair loosens and they shift just slightly to press against his temple in reassurance.

Soonyoung doesn’t know how Jihoon figured out that he’s been using his head more than his heart, but at this moment, he feels himself falling deeper in love with Jihoon.

“No, it’s—I haven’t done this. In a while.” He laughs a little. “Who am I kidding. It’s been close to six, seven months, maybe.”

Jihoon raises both eyebrows. “Could have fooled me.” Soonyoung _believes _him. Without question, without hesitation, without a doubt.

“Yeah?”

“My brain’s about to explode here,” Jihoon offers sincerely. “Just wanted to make sure you were feeling alright.”

“Can I go back to blowing your brains out then?”

“Come over here and kiss me before you do,” requests Jihoon.

Complying with Jihoon’s wish, Soonyoung makes his way up on the bed until his face is hovering above Jihoon’s, matching smiles on their faces. Jihoon loops an arm behind Soonyoung’s neck to pull him down and they kiss and kiss until Soonyoung’s own hard-on, still clothed in his pants, rubs against Jihoon’s naked one.

They both groan. The same octave, the same length, and, incredibly, the same subsequent small huff. Jihoon doesn’t protest when Soonyoung stops kissing him and moves down the bed, this time taking Jihoon in his mouth with newfound confidence fuelled by the younger’s words. Jihoon continues to curse, but his words get all jumbled up as his orgasm nears. Soonyoung squeezes him around the base when the time comes and Jihoon comes with a muffled shout, Soonyoung’s name spills from his lips just as white spills from his cock onto Soonyoung’s hand and his own stomach.

Soonyoung kisses him all over his face while waiting for Jihoon to come back down from the precipice of his pleasure. He reaches over the younger’s body to grab tissues from the nightstand to clean the two of them, throwing the tissues wildly toward the small bin on the corner of Jihoon’s room after he’s done. One of them lands way outside the mark, but Soonyoung can’t be bothered to leave Jihoon’s side. He presses his face to Jihoon’s neck and buries himself there, praying he’d never be asked to leave.

Jihoon finally moves from looking at the ceiling to looking at Soonyoung.

“What about you?”

“I’m good,” Soonyoung tells him. He _is_.

“What? No—” but Soonyoung leans up to kiss him again to avoid having to explain and Jihoon goes pliant for a moment before he’s pulling away from him. Soonyoung whines petulantly. “No, seriously, I want to get you off,” Jihoon tells him.

“Wow. That’s romantic.”

A light slap lands on his chest. “I wrote you songs, you don’t get to complain to me that I’m not romantic.”

“I’m good, Jihoon. I came.”

Jihoon narrows his eyes at him, suspicious, then his gaze travels to Soonyoung’s crotch. Soonyoung doesn’t need to follow his line of sight to know what he found when Jihoon starts giggling almost imperceptibly. There’s surely a dark patch on the grey cotton of his sweatpants from where Soonyoung released himself to Jihoon stuttering his name out in between obscene moans.

“Um.” Jihoon tries to bite back a laugh and fails. “You can borrow my clothes.”

“Very generous of you to relieve me of the embarrassment of having to sleep in my cum-stained pants.” Soonyoung deadpans. “Thank you.”

Jihoon nudges his side and says, “Just give me a minute, alright? You really did blow my brains out.”

He shifts his body sideways and throws his arms around Soonyoung, tucking Soonyoung’s head beneath his chin. Soonyoung can feel Jihoon’s dick pressing against his hip and it’s still half-hard, but when Jihoon kisses the crown of his head, the atmosphere shifts from sexual into something more intimate. Jihoon begins rubbing circles on his lower back and Soonyoung relaxes into it.

“Text Wonwoo and let him know you’re not coming back so he doesn’t worry,” Jihoon says after a comfortable moment of silence.

“Yeah, I will.”

Jihoon’s arms tighten, pulling Soonyoung in closer.

“I got you a tiger head belt buckle, by the way. It’s in the drawer if you want to look at it later.”

When the words finally register to Soonyoung, Jihoon’s already locked him in so that he can’t move his head. He can only let out a muffled, “Huh?”, onto Jihoon’s collarbone.

“Saw it at the store today and just thought of you.” He feels more than see Jihoon shrugging against his body. “So, I bought it.”

_So simple_, Soonyoung thinks. Jihoon often says his tiger acts are childish, but he’s more often than not the first person to join Soonyoung in making his exaggerated motions. He’d always thought that was an act of mockery, since Jihoon never looked anywhere as dumb as he did, but maybe, just maybe, it was something else entirely.

“Weren’t you mad at me? For listening to the songs?”

Soft fingertips travel down Soonyoung’s bare upper arm, to his wrist, until Jihoon is fitting his palm in Soonyoung’s own and squeezing gently. “That wasn’t anger, Soonyoung, that was—”

“Fear.” Soonyoung promptly realises. “That was fear. You’re afraid I won’t…”

There’s a beat of silence before Jihoon confirms his thought. “Yeah.”

Perhaps Jihoon was right before, when he said Soonyoung’s so silly. Silly for not doing this sooner, silly for pretending he could be with anyone besides Jihoon. Silly for thinking, that after all these years, Jihoon is still standing next to him through any kind of weather for a reason other than love. He presses his mouth to Jihoon’s skin over and over again, making a path from where he’d suck a hickey onto his skin all the way up to the underside of his jaw. Jihoon keens at the attention he’s being given, loosening up a little to and allowing Soonyoung more room to move.

“I love you, Jihoon.”

His heart is light when he says it—Jihoon’s answering contented sigh a harmonious melody to his ear.

“You don’t have to be afraid anymore.”

Jihoon pulls him back in and buries his face in Soonyoung’s hair.

“Hey, Jihoonie?”

“Mm?”

Soonyoung braves himself and asks, “Do you think I can listen to the songs again? Whenever you’re ready. I didn’t listen to them properly the first time around and... you know…” he trails off, suddenly unsure of how to express himself on the matter.

Yet Jihoon knows. Jihoon always knows.

“I know. And of course, you can.”

Soonyoung smiles into Jihoon’s neck.

“Hey, Jihoonie?”

A delighted chuckle. “Mmhm?”

“_’To me, you are very precious,’_,” Soonyoung attempts, the notes sounding a bit strange to his ear. It’s probably off-key and a disgrace to Jihoon’s work of art, but Jihoon returns his efforts with a soft kiss to his forehead and Soonyoung finds himself standing under a warm downpour of rain.

A hypothesis pops into his head: maybe after all this time, inspiration’s no longer about the cold of the rain, but about the warmth that comes from the person who’s always, without fail, waiting for him when the sky clears.

In any case, Soonyoung can’t wait to find out.

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote and rewrote this fic at least five times, approaching it at a hundred different angles. this started with soonyoung dancing in that water set in HIT and the prompt: "person A finds a playlist dedicated to them in person B's phone", then it evolved into something else entirely because of all the OTY in Seoul content. in any case, my works are mostly self-indulgent, but anyway i hope you guys like it!! leave a comment and let me know what you think :)
> 
> [click](https://twitter.com/bioominsummer/status/1169969160736014336?s=20)


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